I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
