If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
