I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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