you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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