I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
