Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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