apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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