I just saw a hot homeless man
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
