he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he fucked my hip out of place.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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