flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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