i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize