i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
