he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
