Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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