im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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