I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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