Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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