Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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