looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
