i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
