How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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