id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
