I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
