The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
