You're my little dorito
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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