Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
