am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
