So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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