so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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