Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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