it hurts more in the daytime
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
