I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
