kristin has been a bad kristin
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
