Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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