his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
