Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
