He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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