Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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