why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize