the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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