I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
