Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
