I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
