I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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