all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
