i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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