just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
