you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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