We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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