I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
dude. I can hear the air.
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