I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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