Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
