Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize