Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
worst night to have a conscience
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
