Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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