So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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