So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
