This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
