Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize