Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
