I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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