i jhust puked up my retainher.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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