I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
