Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Randomize
