I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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