Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
