There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
