SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
4 words: hood of his car
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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