Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm too high and old for this...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
