Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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