Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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